A society that normalizes bullying is no society at all. Yet in our grand age of progress, we’ve apparently decided that bullying suddenly isn’t that big of a problem. It’s as if we took all those anti-bullying campaigns from the early 2000s and collectively decided to toss them into the same memory hole where we keep the Blockbuster membership cards and AOL dial-up internet CDs. Who needs moral decency when you can trend on X as you tell someone their entire existence is a waste of oxygen?

Despite our tireless efforts to “stamp out” bullying, it seems to have taken on new, creative forms like a persistent black mold. Whether in schools, workplaces, or politics, bullying has found a way to embed itself into the fabric of our daily lives. Yet, we still pat ourselves on the back for making social “progress” that’s entirely superficial. Sure, we’ve got rainbow flags and corporate wellness programs. But heaven forbid we truly address the root cause of half our societal ills, instead sweeping it under the rug with the rest of our inconvenient truths.

In reality, bullying has evolved. With social media now becoming most people’s third space, it’s come back bigger, meaner, and more passive-aggressive than ever. Now, in our so-called civilized society, we either look the other way or find a way to profit from it. After all, if we didn’t enjoy a good public humiliation, why would reality TV exist?

So, how is it we’re now staring down the barrel of a society that actively rewards the very behaviors it claims to condemn? Well, the real question to ask is: “Are we ready to admit that bullying isn’t just a schoolyard problem but a cultural one we’ve meticulously nurtured into a full-blown societal epidemic?” Even if we’re not, we must.

The Absurdity of Normalizing Bullying

One thing modern society excels at is taking something awful and making it fashionable. Somehow, someway, bullying has become the social glue holding together the fragile ego of our collective consciousness. Gone are the days when bullying was confined to wedgies and lunch money shakedowns; now it’s an art form. We’ve got workplace bullying, cyber-bullying, and political bullying as everyday occurrences; bad behavior has become ubiquitous, influential, and wildly profitable.

Just watch a few moments of your average reality TV show, or even most primetime television, and you’ll see bullying packaged as “drama.” How can we pretend we’re better than the people on screen as they rip each other to shreds when we allow ourselves to let it pass for our entertainment? Truthfully, it’s just bullying with a laugh track or some other justification for the sake of the plot. Honestly, watching it unfold, you must wonder if we’ve collectively confused cruelty with charisma. Somewhere along the line, being a decent human became as quaint as rotary phones and mixtapes.

Of course, we’ve somehow managed to also inject bullying into our politics, which is basically the Hunger Games, but with fewer weapons and more Twitter tantrums. We call politicians bullying each other on the debate stage “discourse” and slap it on the news for a prime-time slot. The only thing missing is a reality show spin-off where presidential hopefuls battle it out in a dunk tank. Actually, I probably shouldn’t say that, because I don’t want to give them any ideas!

But the real absurdity lies in the fact that while we’re busy glorifying aggressive behavior in every corner of society, we’re simultaneously running anti-bullying campaigns like we haven’t completely missed the point. The irony of such ridiculous misdirection is so thick you could slice it with a rusty butter knife. On one hand, we tell kids to be kind, stand up for others, and build inclusive communities; but on the other, we send them out into a world where the highest forms of success are seemingly achieved through ruthless, cutthroat behavior. No mixed messages there, huh?

So, what happens when we call out this contradiction? Cue the eye rolls, the dismissive shrugs, and the collective sigh of “Oh, that’s just how the world works.” Well, if “how the world works” involves normalizing the torment of others for personal gain, then maybe the world isn’t working all that well after all.

The Roots of Bullying

The roots of bullying run far deeper than your average schoolyard sociopath swiping someone’s lunch. We like to think we’ve progressed as a species, but if you look at the history of humanity, we’ve essentially perfected the art of bullying and branded it as power dynamics, control, and societal hierarchy. Take any empire, any major corporation, or heck, maybe even your local HOA, and you’ll find the same thing: people shoving others down the social ladder to make themselves feel taller. We’ve just gotten more sophisticated about it; basically, we throw a suit and tie on it and call it “leadership.”

Exacerbating the situation is social media, the digital coliseum of our time, which has become a breeding ground for cyberbullying. Apparently, it’s not enough to live in a world where you’re judged by your clothes, your job, or the car you drive. Now, we’ve added a virtual scoreboard where strangers can bully you over your opinion on pineapple pizza. It’s like someone saw ancient gladiator games and thought, “How can we make this more personal and devastating without actual physical contact?” Thanks, Twitter.

If you think this is all a modern problem, let’s rewind a bit. Bullying, in one form or another, has always been part of human society. The Romans were the quintessential master bullies. As they would conquer you, they’d simultaneously make you regret being conquered. Medieval knights wore shiny armor, but we must not forget how much of their lives were spent shaking down peasants. So, if you thought we were ever “better” than this, we weren’t. Some of us just swapped swords for keyboards.

Philosophically, bullying plays right into some of our society’s favorite historical ideas. For example, Nietzsche would’ve had a field day with this; his whole concept of master-slave morality essentially gave bullying a fancy philosophical justification, after all. The powerful feel entitled to dominate, and the weak are expected to quietly endure, maybe even learn something from the experience. 

But it doesn’t stop with philosophy. When it comes to evolutionary psychology, it turns out that bullying is deeply rooted in our primal urge to survive and establish dominance. Just like wolves in a pack or chimpanzees in a troop, humans have a habit of bullying to secure their place in the social pecking order. So, if that’s the case, you’re not being bullied at work because someone’s a jerk; it’s just biology! Thanks, Social Darwinism. Too bad Darwin himself never mentioned how to evolve past this nonsense, because he didn’t create the “social” variety.

Even the infamous bystander effect has gotten in on the action. In viral videos of public shaming or online harassment, there are always plenty of spectators but very few people stepping in to help. When we see bullying, many of us just assume someone else will do something about it. Of course, it just becomes a chicken game in which no one will. It’s a psychological quirk that for some reason we haven’t figured out how to overcome.

There’s also plenty of other ways bullying intersects with the other “isms” we’ve managed to cultivate, whether they be racism, sexism, classism, etc. These social hierarchies love to piggyback on bullying. Whether it’s kids being mocked for their race, women being bullied into silence in male-dominated workplaces, or economic bullying that keeps the poor down, there’s plenty of bullying woven into the very fabric of societal injustice. This isn’t something to celebrate.

The Societal Ills Linked to Normalized Bullying

Bullying isn’t just an unfortunate byproduct of human interaction; it’s the gift that keeps on giving. The more we normalize bullying, the more it seeps into every corner of our lives, leaving behind a trail of societal wreckage that’s about as subtle as a wrecking ball smashing through your living room.

The most obvious place where bullying is out of control happens to be in schools. Bullying in schools is the gateway drug to a lifetime of trust issues and self-esteem problems. We keep wondering why mental health issues are skyrocketing among young people when our youth are getting metaphorically (or literally) shoved into a locker every day. This is hardly the best developmental experience. 

Then there’s the workplace, where bullying dons a professional mask called “middle management.” We’ve turned toxic office culture into a badge of honor, where the ability to belittle someone with a smile is a prized skill. While we’re at it, let’s throw in some “constructive feedback” that sounds an awful lot like a personal attack. This will be followed by a mandatory team-building exercise in which everyone pretends they don’t want to strangle each other. Productivity skyrockets, at least until the lawsuits start rolling in along with middle management’s heads.

Of course, workplace bullying has its own ripple effects. Toxic environments don’t just kill innovation; they take it out back, stomp on it, and leave it for dead. But don’t worry, the employees who survive will be fine. Sure, they’ll be emotionally scarred, but at least they’ll know how to navigate power dynamics and backstabbing. Apparently these are the key skills everyone needs to survive the modern world. Forget creativity or collaboration; you just need to keep your job past your next performance review.

Finally, let’s talk about the hot button topic of political bullying. It sometimes feels like we all woke up one day and decided the best way to govern society was through Twitter insults and passive-aggressive speeches. If you’re not bullying someone else on the political stage, are you even running for office? Political discourse has become an absolute farce, where grown adults resort to name-calling that would make a grammar schooler cringe. It’s no wonder public trust in politicians is circling the drain. Seriously, who wants to trust someone whose primary skill seems to be “sick burns” and thinly veiled threats?

Tragically, this culture of bullying we’ve allowed to fester feeds into some of society’s deepest problems. Take the whole “cancel culture” fiasco as a prime example. What started as a movement to hold people accountable for their actions has, predictably, turned into a public blood sport. It’s not about justice anymore. Now it’s about who can get the most likes by tearing someone down in the most creative way possible. It’s social justice, rebranded as a MMA match.

The worst part is that bullying doesn’t stop with words. It’s intrinsically linked to larger societal issues we mentioned earlier like racism, sexism, and classism. These forms of bullying are systemic. Racist microaggressions, sexist remarks, and economic bullying are all part of the same disgusting cocktail that keeps marginalized people down and maintains the status quo. We’ve somehow found ways to institutionalize bullying, wrapping it up in bureaucracy and red tape so tightly that half the time, people don’t even realize they’re being stomped into a bloody pulp!

As things are going, it seems the cycle never ends. Victims of bullying often become bullies themselves. After all, what better way to deal with your trauma than to pass it on to the next poor sap? It’s the circle of life, but instead of majestic lions, we’ve got emotionally damaged adults lashing out at each other like feral cats. The result is a society where cruelty is rewarded, empathy is dismissed as weakness, and the next generation gets to inherit a world even more toxic than the one we’re currently screwing up.

Actionable Advice: Breaking the Cycle of Bullying

Honestly, sitting around pointing fingers and cracking jokes about just how out of control bullying has become isn’t going to fix the problem. So, let’s pivot to something more constructive. Believe it or not, there are ways to break this cycle, although I’ll admit, they require a bit more effort than a viral hashtag campaign.

First, on an individual level, we need to start by holding up a metaphorical mirror. By that I don’t mean the Instagram filter kind that makes you look like a doe-eyed angel. This mirror is for self-awareness. We must recognize when we’re the ones participating in, or quietly supporting, bullying behavior. Obviously, nobody likes to admit they’re part of the problem. It’s much easier to pretend we’re all saints who’ve never made a snarky comment at someone’s expense or participated in a group chat that got a little too “roasty.” But, acknowledging your own complicity is the first step toward, you know, doing something about it.

Next, we need to level up on empathy training. I’m not talking about that half-hearted “be kind” poster taped to your office breakroom wall. I mean actual empathy, the kind where you stop treating other people like NPC’s in your personal video game. Engaging in empathy doesn’t require a PhD in psychology, just a little effort in seeing things from someone else’s perspective. When in doubt, ask yourself: “Would I want to be on the receiving end of this?” If the answer is no, congrats; you’ve just figured out how not to be a jerk for the day. Keep that streak going.

Also, when you see someone being bullied, stop being a bystander and say something. Bystanders can be the unsung heroes in the battle against bullying, but too often, most of us are waiting for someone else to handle it. But guess what? You might need to be that someone else. 

Standing up for others doesn’t have to be dramatic, either. You don’t need to swoop in with a cape and deliver a monologue about justice. Sometimes, it’s as simple as letting the person being bullied know they’re not alone or calling out the bad behavior in a calm but firm way. Think of it as a public service announcement, but with less fanfare and more immediate impact.

Now, let’s look at the institutional level. It’s time to drag these half-hearted anti-bullying programs into the 21st century and give them some teeth. Most of these programs are like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound; they might look good on the surface, but they don’t do anything productive. We need to stop focusing on the symptoms of bullying (like the “bully-free zone” signs that no one takes seriously) and start addressing the cultural rot that’s causing it in the first place.

We need institutions—schools, workplaces, and governments—to hold people accountable. A slap on the wrist isn’t going to cut it. There must be real consequences to make people think twice before they hit “send” on that passive-aggressive email or start spreading rumors in the break room.

Let’s also not forget the media’s role in all this. We can’t claim to care about bullying while also supporting TV shows and social media platforms that thrive on public humiliation and mean-spirited competition. It’s time to demand better. Maybe if we stop rewarding toxic behavior with prime-time slots and viral shares, we might encourage a bit more decency in our day-to-day lives.

Finally, we must drop this bizarre notion that being tough means being ruthless. We romanticize the idea of the “hard-nosed” leader, the boss who “doesn’t take any crap,” or the politician who “tells it like it is.” But nine times out of ten, these are just bullies with great PR. Let’s start valuing kindness, empathy, and collaboration. Strength isn’t about tearing people down, but instead lifting others up.

So, breaking the cycle of bullying isn’t impossible, but it does require us to care. We must care about others, care about our words, and care about the world we’re helping to create by our actions—and, even more often, inactions. It turns out that the only way to truly destroy bullying is to be relentlessly kind. How’s that for an ironic twist?

Closing Thoughts

Sure, we’ve got plenty of anti-bullying campaigns and hashtags in service, but these are like slapping duct tape on a sinking ship. We’ve spent so much time convincing ourselves that bullying is just an unfortunate side effect of being human that we’ve forgotten to ask whether it’s something we want to tolerate in the first place. We shouldn’t.

But the real tragedy here is that we’ve normalized cruelty to the point where it feels as inevitable as death and taxes. Truthfully, a society that thrives on bullying is one in decline, especially one that mistakes pettiness for power and cruelty for charisma. Sure, we could keep brushing it off as “that’s just how the world works,” but at what cost? How long can we keep pretending that the damage caused by bullying isn’t bleeding into every aspect of our lives, eroding trust, empathy, and basic human decency?

Now, dismantling a society propped up by bullying isn’t going to happen overnight. It’s going to take actual effort, something it seems people are famously allergic to when it comes to addressing deeply rooted problems. But let’s imagine a world where success wasn’t measured by how many people you step on to get to the top. What if empathy wasn’t seen as a liability and kindness wasn’t reserved for Instagram captions?

If that’s too much to hope for, we can at least start by calling out the hypocrisy of all this and refuse to play along. It’s past due time we stopped glorifying the bullies, stopped giving them reality shows, and stopped letting them run for public office. Just maybe, we could even start valuing decency over dominance.

Ultimately, if we really want to rid the world of bullying, we need to do more than just talk about it. We must first dismantle the structures of power that thrive on division, dominance, and silence. It’s up to us to choose to not allow society to be overrun with social stigmas around substance abuse, anxiety, and depression, all directly resulting from unmitigated bullying.

As a society, we need to stop pretending that bullying is anything other than the toxic sludge that it is. Yes, it’s a lot of work. But considering that the alternative is letting the bullies keep winning, it’s well worth the effort. After all, if we don’t, we might as well just start handing out “Most Likely to Be a Boss Bully” awards at graduation and call it a day. 

Maybe one day we’ll look back at this era of normalized bullying and think, “Wow, remember when we thought being awful was cool?” Hopefully, by then, we’ll have evolved past it, or at least invented better memes for shaming those that still think it’s cool.

~ Amelia Desertsong

Photo by Lisa Fotios: https://www.pexels.com/photo/white-printer-paper-with-be-kind-text-on-plants-3972441/