I read somewhere once that the best question to ask anyone if you really want to get to know them is “What excites you?” I ask myself that every day now, and the answers haven’t surprised me as much as what I’m now choosing to let go of by living with much stricter intentionality. 

…

My card is Seven of Fire. After reading this advice, this is clearly a three card day

“Constant defensiveness is exhausting,” the Cats say. “If those who oppose you won’t back down or if you continually feel endangered or under attack, this may not be the right place to make a stand. Consider moving on or finding new ways to compromise.”

Earth Kitten is my second card: Gotta live life right now.

“Slowly but surely, you are learning practical skills and refining your knowledge of the way the world works. The realm of the senses can give you great pleasure now, such as trying new foods and seeking beauty in unexplored places. Study and other quiet pastimes are especially beneficial now.”

VIII Strength is my third card. YES!

“Others may act from ignoble impulses and motivations, but you remain true to your moral convictions. You have overcome your baser instincts to choose the higher path. Your courage and strength are deeper than you know. Draw upon them to carry you through any challenge.”

I approve.

…

Someone I follow on YouTube posted “TTPD: ALBUM OF MY LIFE!!”

I commented: “ME TOO! TTPD changed everything about how I look at the function of music in my life, and how poetry and music can serve the human soul in ways indescribable by words.”

…

So, apparently, I need a warning label “Parental Advisory: Autistic Content” Fucking brilliant! See, this is why Emily needs to stop apologizing for having ideas. I need to put up front that I’m autistic. I’ve only ever done that with THREE people. 

I sent this to Emily: “I can learn how to control the faucet, to keep the floodgates from bursting, letting my words flow with purpose and intention…”

…

I love what Bey said in her acceptance speech of her win for the best country album Grammy. Genre is really limiting, meant to keep us stuck, when we should just do what we love. 

The YouTube algorithm is evil. It’s all evil. Corporations need to go. Not regulated. That will only stem the tide of bullshit sauce drowning the unsuspecting middle. 

Also, Chappell Roan is a fucking legend. Calling out the record labels for signing minors and screwing them over, especially with lack of livable wages, health insurance, or legitimate job experience. Tay Tay was like this girl is legit girl boss, upstaging these corporate fuckheads. Her speech made Taylor and Sabrina cry! OMG! She knows all about that! The fucking asylum where they “raised her.” Chappell said to the record labels “We got you, but do you got us?” Fucking incredible. I respect her so goddamn much. Gen Z is creating some incredible dynamos!

… I don’t know what spirit has possessed me that has allowed me to write in this much more elaborate way. I feel like some great fog has been lifted from my inner eye to see light in a new spectrum. There is some great calling that has only whispered to me for so long, but now, I see all of the abuse, I see all of the exploitation, and I need to do something about it. But I must be deliberate, intentional, and choosy with those I surround myself with, because in the end, that’s all that really matters.

… TTPD [was a major turning point for me] and I need to explore these unlocked potentials that I’ve discovered through intense introspection and careful reasoning. I need to continue purging things that no longer serve me with great prejudice… free myself from the past shackles and chains that I’m still breaking away from my overwhelmed and oversaturated neurons.

…

… I thought I’d met the most well-articulated and self-actualized person I have EVER encountered, on not just YouTube, but in my well-worn travels across the internet, and America, too. This is not hyperbole. I’ve sought out for years to find someone who sees the world for what it really is while also working to peek behind the veil and understand what makes up the often-invisible machinations that dictate the ebbs and flows of daily modern life. [It seemed to be that she’d] begun to strip herself away from the decadence of consumerism, someone who can come across as casually and personable as you do while dispensing knowledge and wisdom like Henry David Thoreau did in Walden 175 years ago is the rarest find, especially publicly available on a platform so overwhelmed with brain rot inducing content. 

[I did eventually find her, BTW. Just not back then. The following thoughts were written in a long diatribe I sent her through YouTube in response to one of this individual’s videos.]

I’ve spent years leaving thoughtful comments across many platforms, but often leaving myself entirely out of the conversation, taking an academic approach to offering advice. So, I can come off as cold and distant. This means either my comment goes entirely ignored or even becomes voraciously attacked by trolls who see me as a lonely basement dweller. I’m sure many people who don’t know me can picture me burying my ever-crying eyes in the classics on an Amazon Paperwhite Kindle or something. 

The fact that I have no college degree absolutely stuns people when they encounter such verbosity and elevated reasoning in my writings. I rely entirely on sporadic, eclectic book learning, my own life experiences, and the benefit of too much time on my hands to scribble down every idea wandering across my consciousness.

Today, planned obsolescence not only creates a level of waste that’s unconscionable in previous centuries, but also threatens to wipe out humanity if we aren’t careful. Generative AI tools threaten to dismantle the arts and creativity for the sake of convenience. So, individuals who aren’t part of some niche community, are in charge of some corporate machinery, or are tasked with perpetuating self-destructive behaviors find themselves partaking in socially acceptable addictions just to feel kinship with others. These include alcohol overconsumption, gambling, mobile game microtransactions, frivolous subscription services, etc. 

On seeking substantive connections… the best conversations come out of shared interests rather than activities that often promote only small talk and surface-level interactions. Small talk has its place, but as someone who’s making herself more intentional in all phases of her life, even small talk becomes bothersome. That is, outside of perhaps a livestream chat where it serves the function of adding energy to a thoughtful community discourse.

Most people know on an unconscious level that they need to slow down for their own well-being. But the expectations and demands of so many occupations, especially ones above an entry or middle management level, are so intense that the only way to bring oneself back down to earth is to entirely leave that life behind. It sometimes leads to moving out to a rural area, where one can work remotely as E.B. White did on his coastal Maine farm while still writing for Harper’s and the New Yorker. Sometimes that means buying a house in the woods, or by a river or lake, and create one’s own work to fulfill their heart’s desires.

This is exactly what my wife and I did during the pandemic. We met online and connected deeply on so many levels, and found that we had complementary skillsets and knowledge. So, we pooled our resources and found ourselves capable of purchasing a forever home by a river just outside of a small Vermont town. Here, we pursue only the things that excite us. We are fortunate to have income streams that sustain the necessities of life while also affording us a comfortable lifestyle in our down time. Unfortunately, the locals have often shunned us because they simply can’t comprehend that there are people with the foresight to avoid having to work jobs that we hate. It angers people to a point where they either simply ghost us or are abrasive or even outright mean.

And while Vermont is generally a fairly accepting US state when it comes to many different factors, there are the type of folks in rural areas that simply cannot comprehend my wife and I’s lesbian relationship. While my wife is cisgender, I am myself a trans woman, which sometimes leads to people misjudging my wife as trans, too. We live in 2025, but some people apparently still want to live in 1825. Trans people are still a mystery people fear for some odd reason. So, my own otherness can transfer itself to my wife and it causes us loneliness and isolation on a hurtful scale.

As for trivia, it seems we share that preference for deep thinking on subject matter that is relevant and useful to improving ourselves. Lauding memorization skills, in fact, is what has led to the rapidly deteriorating intellectual fortitude on a mass scale. Memorization is useful for some facts and figures, yes, but it’s not everything. Applied knowledge is far more valuable and should be prioritized at all costs over minutiae. Thing is, so many aspects of higher education seem to funnel everyone into a bottleneck of try-hard behavior that rewards narcissists more than anyone else. We live in a society where asserting dominance over others is paramount, and a society cannot remain functional unless cooperation and open dialogue are pillars of common everyday interaction.

To wrap this up… intentional kindness and positively reinforcing ourselves in our personal quests for self-actualization are the keys to breaking down the instant gratification and convenience culture plaguing so many of us. Human-to-human contact, or at the very least, open dialogues through the likes of long commentaries like these, is the only way we will steer all our sinking ships into safe harbors.