For many years, I proudly referred to my ramblings as the Ultimate Random, a moniker that seemed to capture the essence of my unbridled musings, flights of fancy, and wild imaginings. I reveled in the thought that I was a free spirit, unbound by convention or predictability, unconstrained by the fetters of logic or reason.

But as I delved deeper into the mysteries of the universe, I realized there was no such thing as true randomness. Everything in the cosmos is governed by the immutable laws of physics, the unyielding principles of cause and effect.

I came to understand that there’s always a cause for every effect, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant that cause may be. The tiniest pebble, dropped into a still pond, can create ripples that spread out to the very edge of the water. There’s always some appreciable effect, some traceable consequence, to every cause, no matter how remote or obscure that connection may be. The universe is a vast, interconnected web, with each strand woven intricately into the fabric of reality.

As I began to grasp these fundamental truths, I realized that my Ultimate Random was not random at all. There was a method to my madness, a purpose to my meanderings. Even when I seemed to be going off on some wild tangent, there was always a deeper meaning. A hidden logic underpinned my ramblings even if I neglected, or even refused, to see it.

Eventually, I retired the title of the Ultimate Random. I regretted losing something of the wild, untamed spirit that had driven me to such heights of creativity and inspiration. But the relief overcame the regret over time, recognizing the wisdom I’d gained with a deeper understanding of the world around me, a new appreciation for the beauty and complexity of the universe.

Now, as I look back on those years of wandering and wondering through poetry and prose, I see them in a new light. They were not the aimless wanderings of a lost soul, but the determined explorations of a seeker, a pilgrim on a journey of discovery. Though I may no longer call my journals the Ultimate Random, I will always be grateful for the lessons that those years taught me, and the insights that they gave me into the mysteries and wonders of existence.

I sometimes pretend to be a philosopher, but really, I’m just trying to figure things out just like everyone else. Sure, a lot of people will tell others, and especially themselves, that they’re just grinding out day after day because c’est la vie, and there’s nothing we can do to change our often mediocre existences in any meaningful way of our own accord. That brand of thinking will only take you in circles. Trust me, I’ve been going in circles for the past five or six years, and all it’s done is made me so dizzy that I can’t really perform any meaningful task properly anymore, except say fuck everything else and just sit down and write up a piece or two.

There are members of our society that still happen to find ways to inspire us. The only trouble is that too many of us believe that we are doomed to mediocrity from birth, that fame and fortune are blessed upon only the truly lucky. I don’t mean the sort of fame and fortune we attribute to Hollywood, or whatever other institution of glitter and glamour you may ultimately value, but the sort that fills your heart and soul with true happiness, the gratification of knowing that you have made someone else’s lives just a little bit better for your efforts. Some can do this on a grander scale than others, but every little positive cause you incur has an appreciable effect that means something to someone at some point, and that cannot be ignored.

I used to be in the habit of drowning myself in bullshit, just so I wouldn’t see the truth. But the truth lies bare for all to see in these dark times of grief, suffering, sorrow, and malice. The mission that we must set out upon right here right now is to rise above all this darkness. It’s too easy to marry yourself to the blackness. I’ve almost fallen completely victim to my carnal lusts and nearly driven completely insane by the evils that permeate every aspect of our broken society. It doesn’t matter where or how you live; there is evil prominent in your daily life, no matter whether you wish to see it or not. 

But where as I have too long been in the habit of looking the other way, I find now that I have to stare it in the face, and trust me, if it’s not ignored, it becomes afraid. That evil bares its ugly visage, but it’s all bark, and no true bite. The good prevails, the light over the darkness, as it ultimately will. I don’t mind sounding a bit romantic, because it is true that the light will always triumph over the darkness; you just have to be patient.

There are too many good souls left in this world, so there is still a chance for Humanity, however slim, for redemption. But we have to break our selfish habits of looking the other way, and just complaining and whining about . Face the music and dance in the flames because the world’s going to burn down anyway if we just sit still.

In a way, it was important to make a fool of myself in my youth. After all, the more embarrassing missteps on our life’s journey must be seen as what they are, steppingstones on our path to self-discovery. Though I may cringe at the thought of all the things I said and wrote, I’m somehow glad that I had the courage to express myself, even if it was too often incoherent or misguided.

Nowadays, I’m more circumspect in my ramblings. I try to listen more than I talk. Still, I may not think as carefully as I should before I share my thoughts with others. The urge to fully express myself is still there, always bubbling up from beneath the surface. It doesn’t seem I can ever wait for the right moment to burst forth in a torrent of words and ideas, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. At least nowadays I have something to say with the benefit of decades of life experience.