Sometimes we fall so much in love with something, a subject of our desire so tantalizing, it redefines our entire life path. When it works out, and we set ourselves on our merry way, things look bright and the universe appears to bend to our will. Of course, physics do their thing and all of a sudden, gravity forces us down off our clouds and we’re faced with the reality of our choices, all while in unexpected free fall. If we’re able to recalibrate and roll with the punches, we can usually pull through and live a fairly stable and productive life. 

If you’ve ever needed to reroute your life because something, or someone, you loved didn’t pan out the way you hoped, you already know what it feels like to need recalibration. Yet so many of us never quite reestablish our operating procedures in the face of overwhelming changes and unexpected twists. I’ve fallen in love with so many objects of desire over the years, both living and inanimate, and like so many others I’ve encountered in my four decades on earth, most of them don’t work out. Also like so many other folks, I often have great difficulty recalibrating. Sometimes I don’t think I was ever properly calibrated for this universe in the first place. 

‘Calibrate’ is a transitive verb, and according to Merriam Webster, has five distinct definitions. So, if I’m attempting to recalibrate after so many unfortunate circumstances and a handful of boons that have allowed me this chance for slow and steady recalibration, what does that actually mean?

Definition one: “to ascertain the caliber of (something)”

Okay, so what is a caliber exactly? It’s the root of our chosen essay title today, after all. Well, it could refer to the diameters of  “a bullet or other projectile” or “a round or cylindrical body.” Obviously these are measurements, and the sort of recalibration we’re talking about here doesn’t involve anyone becoming a human cannonball or curling up into a ball or becoming a canned good. Instead, we’re dealing with the abstract: ‘mental capacity or moral quality,’ or ‘excellence or importance. How much more arbitrary of a standard could that be, when compared to a strict dimensional measurement of ammo and balls and Stanley cups?

Yes, recalibration in the way we are mostly discussing it here today is largely a subjective action. Of course, it can be used objectively to realign ourselves with best practices and forward-facing goals, which both can be extremely arbitrary, but at least can be defined by long standing social norms and historical precedents. 

So, onto the second definition of calibrate: “to determine, rectify, or mark the graduations of (something, such as a thermometer tube)”

At first glance, this seems to be measuring spheres and cylinders again. But graduations can be found within ourselves, too, as milestones and certain key happenings in our lives that end up defining important aspects of our thought process, mindset, and action taking (or inactions) going forward. 

The third definition of ‘calibrate’ is “to standardize (something, such as a measuring instrument) by determining the deviation from a standard so as to ascertain the proper correction factors.”

This may be the most useful definition to us here in trying to understand how to properly envision recalibrating ourselves in the midst or aftermath of difficult times or uncertain situations. The fourth and fifth definitions, “to adjust precisely for a particular function” and “to measure precisely,” would suggest that fine tuning our human mind, body, and spirit can be done mechanically or digitally. While yes, there are certain mechanical processes that can improve our physical and mental health, spiritually we often allow the dopamine hits from various limerences and gross fascinations to impact those other two rather dramatically, for good or ill. 

Sometimes, no amount of external therapy or internal meditation can set us on our way forward again, but often leave us in an unfulfilling feedback loop of managing symptoms and never truly facing root causes of our troubles, frustrations, or struggles. We do have emotions for a reason, and we must let them serve their purpose, but be proactive and reasonable in figuring out how to respond and adjust to sudden changes in our moods, motivations, and overall behaviors. 

Unfortunately, trying to hold any human being to a commonly held set of standards is immensely difficult. We are creatures of habit and imitation, of course, so we can kind of play things by copycat and generally do all right. But the human mind is so complex, and the human body so fickle, and it’s so easy for both to become out of sync with one another within the human organism. We’re all some degree of a mess. We all have a fairly high standard of fallibility. In other words, human beings excel at screwing up. That may seem to lower the standard by which we measure ourselves, but in fact, it just goes to show how low we can set the bar for our own actions if we aren’t careful to aspire to greater heights. We are creatures that crave inspiration, even if we end up looking for it in odd and sometimes unfortunate places. 

But whereas deviation from a standard on a tool or measuring instrument is a decidedly ill thing that should be dealt with post haste, human beings don’t have a particular natural standard built into us. This gets taught to us through social means. These standards can be useful, yes, but often don’t account for exceptional individuals (or lower functioning folks, either, but we will get to that.)

While it would take another essay entirely for me to deep dive into my myriad complaints about cultural and societal standards of the twenty-first century, I will say that they are much better than they were just two or three centuries ago. We have a far better scientific understanding of both how the world works, why people do what they will, and how to build things better in some very clever and amazingly innovative ways. It’s just that this knowledge isn’t always properly disseminated through the educational institutions. 

We must constantly question what standards we’re being held to and whether they’re fair or not; we can’t always deal directly with the unfairness, but we can take time each day to calibrate ourselves to dealing with injustice and intolerance and a host of other negative forces far beyond our control. We must take daily steps of acting to make our own sphere of influence a better and safer place for both our colleagues, our loved ones, and most especially ourselves.

Just a few essays into writing this very definition essay series, I questioned why I named this series “Recalibrate” and not the noun form “Recalibration.” At this point, while it was a fairly spontaneous decision at first, now it’s certainly become an intentional choice. I figure that calling my definition series “Recalibration” would give the impression that I have a set of rules by which to measure the deviation of my own actions from my own personal standards, never mind those of a constantly shifting societal and cultural milieu. I most certainly do not. 

So, I stick with the transitive verb as a series title because just like with sensitive equipment that needs constant adjustments to remain effective, so do we. We must make intentional choices every single day to hold ourselves accountable for the things we can control while acknowledging but accepting we can’t control other people’s actions or how they view us from the outside. This is an important standard we probably need to all hold ourselves to, but it’s more complicated and more difficult than what seems like such a straightforward morning ritual. 

Humans are like defibrillators. I learned from my wife Emily that if these machines have their calibration be off by just one or two joules, it can be entirely ineffective if it’s one below or even kill the patient if it’s one too high. The amount of joules necessary depends on the patient. Yet I’ve been told that these machines, despite needing such precise calibration on a daily basis, often are not properly calibrated. What should be a lifesaving piece of technology can burn out someone’s nerves, heart, or both if the medic isn’t extremely careful. 

There are actually two types of defibrillators, monophasic and biphasic. The monophasic is a one direction DC (direct current) while the biphasic is based on reverse polarity. While modern biphasic defib machines are self-calibrating, the older monophasic ones need to be recalibrated every shift. Being ‘close enough’ isn’t good enough. And in some cases, people’s minds and spirits are this sensitive, too.

Playing to our strengths and covering our weaknesses is a constant adjustment. Human beings are notorious for not covering our own weaknesses well, especially when it involves asking others for help. Sometimes other people are vital in our daily recalibration routine. But at the end of the day, we still have to pay close attention to ourselves and know that we are often our own worst enemies. Like lazy or incompetent medics, we often allow ourselves to drift off course steadily over time without ever bothering to course correct. And yes, some of these choices can prove fatal to relationships, careers, and even our lives. Humans have a strong tendency towards complacency, something that we must never allow ourselves to sink into. 

Yes, we should give ourselves grace and be kinder to ourselves, but in moderation. I believe many of us could be a lot softer than we are towards both ourselves and others. Trying to fit some standard that doesn’t work for us is like trying to calibrate the biphasic defib machine like a monophasic one. That can only lead to disaster, potentially damaging our lives to a point where the road to recovery makes you feel like you must become an Everester (yes, that is a real term for one who climbs Mount Everest). When our hearts aren’t into a particular job, interest, or relationship any more, it means we’ve gotten out of alignment with ourselves. 

This isn’t to sound all metaphysical or spiritual, either. Human spirituality is a real thing; it’s made up of our mindset, our core system of beliefs and values, and what we hold most dear at any given moment. If we are feeling negatively towards something we once treasured, there’s always a reason, and many times it’s internal, but many other times it’s not. 

I’ve been blamed by “mental health professionals” for not having the mental and emotional fortitude to deal with some traumatic situations. That’s such an unproductive message, and it’s why “man up” is one of the worst things to say to anyone; I’d much rather “girl up” and take initiative to be the change. You have to first find a way to change your own ways to better align with what your emotions are telling you. Yes, sometimes you do have to listen to your feelings and cry it out or find some outlet with which to channel your rage and other “negative” emotions.

Recalibrating, for us humans, is about finding that happy medium, that specific range of personal habits and processes which allow you to seek the most positive probable outcomes. That might sound really technical, but unless we find what our own standards are, how we manage our highly unique passions, skill sets, energy levels, and degrees of experience won’t necessarily be compensated for sufficiently. In other words, we are all special snowflakes of a sort, and we each have our own unique frequency and rhythm at which we operate. The part where we must be careful is getting too locked into a self-absorbed mindset rather than properly elevating ourselves to rise to the occasion. 

Self-care and self-love to a point are useful recalibration rituals, but they are just part of a much wider array of tools at our disposal to build better versions of ourselves. We have the resources right at our fingertips, many of them just a simple Google search away (or ChatGPT query but that’s a whole other rabbit hole for an entirely different sort of essay series). Through a rededication to careful reading, intentional reflection time, and being honest with myself through journaling and open communication with my wife and acquaintances, I’ve recalibrated to a point where I feel my life serves some purpose. 

I have a lot to say on so many different subjects, with tons of life experience that could prove helpful to so many others. But that won’t happen if I’m just babbling on about how much the world sucks; I need to be much more proactive and document what I’m learning from voices both past and present and what I’m criticizing and what content I’m consuming. My hope is that we can all become much more organized and intentional with how we spend our very limited hours on this earth. I’m hoping to set an example without being preachy or lecturing. It remains to be seen how successful I will be, but since I’ve nothing better to do at the moment, why not do something that feels not so much “good” as it feels “correct.”

On that note, I’ll close this essay with a final piece of actionable advice: if you’re feeling out of whack right now, take heart that recalibration starts with some simple steps. First, take a deep breath. Second, tell yourself that at least 80 percent of what bothers you is entirely out of your control, but like the Pareto principle, it’s the other 20 percent that you can control which you should be focusing on. That’s because that 20 percent you can control can make 80 percent of the difference. Those that say we create our own reality aren’t entirely incorrect, because showing up for ourselves and making the best of the moment in which we are in right now is the only productive way to live. 

So, here’s to a successful recalibration for yet another day. Take that deep breath and check your settings. Just like those defibrillators need regular recalibration, you do too. Tat doesn’t make you faulty. It makes you human. And if today goes super awful for you, as long as you wake up tomorrow, you have a whole new chance to recalibrate for the better.

~ Amelia Desertsong