Sitting here on our sunporch, with the sun streaming in through my windows and the gentle rush of the stream outside, I find myself lost in thought. My days are filled with too much time to think, but not enough energy to act.

Even when the world seems to have slowed down, my mind yet races with endless possibilities, hopes, and fears. I have all the time in the world to ponder the future, to dream of new beginnings, and to reminisce about the past.

But a sense of restlessness permeates my every thought. Most days I’m stuck in a limbo of inactivity, unable to muster the energy or motivation to do much of anything productive. My body begins to feel heavy, weighed down by my idleness. I’m not sure how much of it is chronic fatigue and how much is just the circumstantial evidence of a crumbling society.

In these moments, I find myself watching the world go by. The trees sway in the breeze, the birds flit between branches, and the clouds float lazily across the sky. Even gazing upon this peaceful scene, my mind can’t seem to find peace.

I become consumed by the constant churning of my thoughts.I think of all the things I could be doing but simply can’t bring myself to do. There are moments, fewer and farther between than I would prefer, when I’m filled with a sudden burst of purposeful energy that propels me forward again. Then soon enough, I’m back to where I started, lost in the fog of my own indecision.

Still, I cling to the hope that one day, the fog will lift, and I will find my way out of this limbo. Until then, I must continue to ponder and dream. Whenever the words find their way to my fingertips, I will share them. When they don’t, I’ll wait and let my mind wander until I find my way back to write down what I’ve found.

~ Amelia Desertsong