Today’s Merriam Webster word: “Charisma refers to a special magnetic charm or appeal that causes people to feel attracted and excited by someone. A person with charisma is captivating and often admired.”

Interestingly, the word charisma used to be used specifically to refer to divine grace, not social grace. I always think of it as a stat on a character sheet. 

In Greek, charisma means favor or gift. As for my own charisma… I always low roll. 

I’m currently grieving the loss of any hope I had for the future. Things look grey and unassuming going forward and I just can’t get excited at all, so I’m just bleeding away moments idle and frustrated with my inability to care. I don’t know how much rest it will take for me to have any energy to put towards anything. I’ve done a lot of resting and so far I’m still only barely functional. It seems I still haven’t quite figured out the difference between purposeful rest and running idle, and the latter can still make you run hot.

This year was the death of polite society, or whatever mirage of it still existed. People didn’t actually get worse; they just showed their true colors. And I have nothing more to say about this year. I’m not reliving it.

I went to bed at 6pm after spilling mixed nuts all over my bed and spilling water all over my sheets. I think this winter is going to be the worst time of my life. I’m not planning to even get out of bed tomorrow. That’s how done I am. 

[It was one of the worst winters of my life, in fact. I’m shocked I’m still here.]