I’m going to turn to some random page of Walden, and see what catches my eye…
I opened to page 195, and this is a passage I remember reading and probably noting before, but it bears repeating.
“We are conscious of an animal in us, which awakens in proportion as our higher nature slumber. It is reptile and sensual, and perhaps cannot be wholly expelled; like the worms which, even in life and health, occupy our bodies. Possible we may withdraw from it, but never change its nature. I fear that it may enjoy a certain health of its own; that we may be well, yet not pure.”
Thoreau goes on a bit here (and my keyboard on the chrome book slurred the letter U for some reason just now). But the point he’s making is that our animal health and vigor are distinct from the spiritual. And right now, funny enough, same as in the mid 19th century, we’re letting our animal natures get the better of us.
There’s another quote here that I should deep dive later, “Chastity is the flowering of man; and what are called Genius, Heroism, Holiness, and the like, are but various fruits which succeed it.”
I’m not really up to high-minded philosophy today, but this whole “vibes” economy we live in right now isn’t a new thing; it’s just devolved into a madness where “line go up” is the only solution, with all other considerations ignored. I could read the chapter of kyla’s book on Recession. But I think withdrawing from worldly matters is all I can do to not make my head explode right now. I just want to go back to bed…
Speaking of bed, looking at Merriam Webster’s word of the day makes me chuckle:
“Hibernaculum (plural hibernacula) refers to a shelter occupied during the winter by a dormant animal, such as an insect, snake, bat, or marmot.”
I’m about to be a dormant animal in a little bit… this house has become my own hibernaculum.
I said to Emily: “This is why I act so passive to be like a pitcher plant when people fuck up.” I’m just sad. This year was a total disaster.
In light of recent events I have decided I’m not going to be posting online anytime soon. I’ve cancelled all my projects. I’m just done. I’ll still journal, probably do my word of the day and my reading. But I’m done sharing with a world that is brutal and miserable and full of liars, cheaters, and evil doers. I’m cutting myself off from the world starting today. I’m officially done with humanity.
Also Sabrina is the best to ever sing Part of your World. FYI.
Honestly, I thought today was a nightmare and I’ll wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine and normal and people will act like decent human beings. This entire year has been one big nightmare that Emily and I are somehow both sharing. I keep hoping I’ll wake up and none of these people pulled any of this incredibly stupid shit. Emily says it will get better. She says it will get better. I like to think that but I’ve gone from careful optimist to pragmatist to extreme pessimist in the course of about five years…
[And it’s not like 2026 would get any better…]
