Had a bizarre question in mind to start the day: which Star Trek ship is most beautiful? And it isn’t necessarily the original Enterprise. But that sort of deep dive isn’t really in my purview today. There’s content out there on that subject already but I have my own ideas how to aesthetically judge spacecraft and part of that is how realistically such a design would work in practice given what we know about science.

I don’t time my reading sessions any more because the volume of notes will tell me when I’ve read sufficiently deep enough to break, and I’ve gone on a tear for a page, so that’s usually a tell for when I need time to process.

I’ve been thinking a lot about comfort foods recently, silly things like Golden Grahams cereal, which gets soggy way too fast BTW. But it’s one of the few graham-cracker adjacent foodstuffs that isn’t loaded with soy flour. Any good that brings me comfort, no matter how silly, must be prioritized. Food has become more of an inconvenience thanks to all my sensitivities and growing list of DO NOT EAT non-options. I seriously should write to Newman’s Own to bring back the Zesty Italian dressing. Chiavetta’s is good, but harder to get. All the others I’d eat have dairy, or MSG, or way too much soybean oil. Or I don’t like the taste of them. I’m really not that picky, honestly. I’m forced to be frustratingly selective. And at this point, I can afford to overpay for what I prefer, if it’s even available. Bell’s Stuffing is Amazon Pantry only now; they added soy lecithin but that’s below my tolerance threshold so we’re good for now.

It does feel like the year has gotten away from me a bit. The weather has been so erratic. As have my moods and energy levels. Thus why I’m forcing such drastic changes on my lifestyle, preserving my energy towards higher potential opportunities. I can’t be so hard on myself for “wasting time” because what is truly wasted if you learn and grow from it? What was I lacking? Purpose? Direction? Clarity?

Perhaps I’ve been far too hard on myself after all. I’ve been pushing deep reading, challenging myself with much denser texts more often, and depriving myself of my usual entertainments – for the most part, since I threw myself a couple bones yesterday with a card collection video and Pokemon Red/Blue solo run. But I’m being very careful to make these treats. Also I’m not concerned with productivity. It’s more about attenuating output. I don’t want to write for the sake of the action. If I truly am going to make trite observations and talk in circles about nothing, I’ll just refrain. My gaming frustrations were useful venting, but in the long run, eliminating the frustrating games negates the need for said venting. I was seeking comfort in relatively hollow spaces whereas now I’ve found it more satisfying to “snuggle up” with ideas. I’m back to my old ways of quoting too much but I’m happy about this because I’m reintegrating my consciousness with all these useful experiences of others and finding bits and bobs as binding material.