These two signs on the same pole are a memorable artifact of a North Conway, New Hampshire campground that was turned into condos some years back. It’s delightful in the best kind of bizarre Americana way. What’s already a perfectly amusing sign turns into the absurd with that Corel Painter touch I’ve given it. The photo becomes like a Norman Rockwell fever dream, where everyone moves just a little too slowly and nothing makes quite enough sense.

The painterly effect gives the whole thing an eerie, almost nostalgic vibe, like you’re flipping through a childhood memory that’s had one too many editorial passes. The shadows are soft, the lines slightly surreal, and the grass—well, even the grass looks like it’s contemplating something existential. I wasn’t exactly aiming for “dystopian summer camp brochure,” though. That was just a happy accident.

At the top, we’re graced with a sign demanding a hyper-specific speed limit of 5½ MPH, sheer suburban passive-aggressive poetry. You know, as if 5 or 6 MPH would summon some apocalyptic reckoning. Clearly, anything more would vaporize the campground’s quaint charm, and anything less would probably incite a golf cart riot. Plus, the “PLEASE!” written in that ever-so-polite hostage-note font isn’t even a request. It’s a command disguised in New England manners.

Then, there’s the cartoon crossing guard child, grinning with an unsettling optimism, practically daring you to disobey. Our little caped speed enforcer has that manic Sunday school energy. She looks like she’s seconds away from snapping and hurling that stop sign like a frisbee of justice.

Just beneath that clip art masterpiece, the pièce de resistance is the more traditional “SLOW CHILDREN” sign. Depending on your level of caffeine or chaos for the day, it reads either as a call to caution or a tragically phrased insult. It’s a raw, unsupervised label that feels like someone gave up mid-sentence, that kind of sign that’s begging to be memed or featured in a satirical piece about declining public education. Perhaps, it’s just a brutally honest announcement: “Yep, we’re bound to have some slow children here, and we’re owning it. Deal with it.”

The whole image reads like a David Lynch short filmed on a cul-de-sac. It’s slice of Americana dipped in confusion and served with a side of both bureaucratic and private overreach. This is something I could see someone printing on canvas and hanging it there in your bathroom for house guests to ponder!

Photo by Amelia (Artemis) Phoenix Desertsong. Edited with Corel Painter 2023 using the Colored Pencil preset, Aged Print AI style, with higher contrast and brightness in Black and White